ASPERGER’S SYNDROME & ME

ASPERGER's SYNDROME & ME

Asperger's Syndrome Definition

Most adults with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) have some cognitive or language skill issues that mask the fact that they may have above-average intelligence. However, adults with AS may experience other symptoms, many of which can significantly affect daily life.

No two people experience AS in quite the same way. You may have only a few of these symptoms, or you may experience all of them at different times to varying degrees.

Symptoms of Asperger’s Syndrome in adults can be divided into three areas:

Emotional and behavioural symptoms
Communication symptoms
Other symptoms

I was originally planning on splitting my breakdown of asperger’s symptoms and how they manifest in me in to 2 blogs, but as I started writing this I decided that 1 post was the way to go.

Emotional and behavioural symptoms

Repetitive behaviours, such as having to follow the same route every day, or perform basic tasks in a very specific order
Inability to recognise or interpret social or emotional issues in others, eg frustration, grief
Inability to see both sides of the story. You may have a hard time reacting to actions, words, and behaviours with empathy or concern
Adults with AS may struggle to cope with emotional situations, feelings of frustration, or changes in routine. This may lead to emotional outbursts that the individual cannot control
Hypersensitivity (over-sensitivity) or hyposensitivity (under-sensitivity) to sensations eg sensitivity to the feel of certain fabrics, the texture of certain foods, certain sounds, light etc.

Communication symptoms

Aspies may struggle with social interactions and may not be able to sustain “small talk” conversations
Strange speech patterns and an inability to control their volume, especially in places like church or a library
An overwhelmed Aspie, or one who finds themselves in a social situation with people that they cannot connect with, may well become mute, mentally withdrawing completely from the situation
Adults with AS may have typical to strong verbal skills. This may translate to greater vocabulary skills, especially in areas of interest.
Adults with AS may not pick up on nonverbal cues from others, such as hand gestures, facial expressions, or body language.
Social norms like eye contact or actions that interfere with their personal space, such as hugging or shaking hands, are a challenge

Other symptoms

– Coordination difficulties are significantly more common in adults with AS. These motor skill issues may show up as difficulty performing tasks like sitting or walking correctly. Fine motor skills, like tying shoes or opening an envelope, may also be affected.
– It’s not uncommon for people to have hyperfocus as a symptom of AS. It’s usually toward a specific topic. They may have a deep understanding and vast vocabulary related to this topic. They may also insist on talking about it when engaging with others, and not understanding when they have bored the pants off their audience!

ASPERGER'S & ME

Emotional and behavioural symptoms and me

I was raised in a household that was quite strong on routine. I beieve this was down to my parents own upbringings, the old 50s model of the Good Housekeeping dutiful wife having dinner on the table at a certain time, the children bathed and off to bed at a certain time, Dad leaving for the office at a certain time; it was a lifestyle that you could set your watch by, with very little spontaneity. I then left home aged 11 and went to boarding school for more of the same, so there was a strong pattern in my formative years, but overall since then I’ve not been overly reliant a routine. That said, as a result of my diagnoses I have built a strong work routine to manage myself on a daily basis, and have a reasonably strong evening routine in place to try to combat issues with insomnia caused by ADHD medication, but I definitely see that kind of scheduling as a tool rather than a need, so that is one Asperger’s trait that scores quite low for me, with most of the reason for it being driven by combatting ADHD issues.

I am shocking at reading people and situations. My ability to identify the emotions of others, unless they are really obvious, is non-existent. Often, by the time that I am able to pick up on the fact that someone is upset or angry it is usually far too late! To compound this, if I am the cause of the upset then I usually start digging an even deeper hole for myself at that point, or I go mute, either way it’s never a good place for me to be. Equally I can kill a good mood too, and could never read a flirt!

For most of my adult life I have thought that I was brilliant at playing devil’s advocate on all manner of subjects, a real genius at seeing both sides of the story and bringing useful challenge to situations. The reality is that I am actually quite rubbish at this, trying to bring another point of view to situations where emotions are running high so justifying ‘the other side’ is generally the last thing that is needed, no matter how well-meaning I may be.

These last 2 points are a real problem for me. If I find myself on the wrong end of hurting someone’s feelings or having any kind of negative impact and I become aware of it I am extremely tough on myself and feel levels of frustration that quickly become overwhelming and lead to angry outbursts, albeit usually in private. I am not forgiving of myself in these situations and can still recall many such outbursts going back many, many years as I am unable to leave them behind.

I have issues with hypersensitivity which is common with AS. If I am slightly emotionally off-centre, or I am in what for me is an uncomfortable social situation with too many people, then noise, light or encroachment in my personal space can send me to a place of such overwhelming frustration and/or rage that I just boil over in a way that I really can’t explain. This is one of the most debilitating and frustrating elements of AS for me. Now that I know what causes it, and that I’m not just being an arse, I try to manage situations more proactively. I either don’t put myself in those environments in the first place, eg busy pubs on Friday night, or I now have a safe word that I can say to my wife that basically means that I need to leave right there and then. It’s an uncomfortable truth, but in the past I got through these situations most of the time by getting very drunk as quickly as possible, so the new approach is far better for me. This is not to say that I can’t do light and sound at all, I still love a gig, I just can’t interact with others under those conditions.

Communication symptoms and me

I can’t do small talk with strangers. I find it incredibly difficult and uncomfortable silences are the norm. I’ve always been like that, though a glass of wine or two have helped disguise it over the years.

I can’t say if I have strange speech patterns or not, that’s for others to judge, but I am well aware of the fact that I have a volume control issue. On the one hand I drive people mad by speaking very quietly from time to time, only for me to get grumpy when I have to keep repeating myself. On the other hand there are examples like the time I made a very loud, inappropriate ‘trading places’ comment about a beggar near the Alamo in heavily armed, gun loving Texas that led to a somewhat hasty retreat!

Not dissimilar to the small talk point above, I can become easily overwhelmed in social situations. It sometimes involves being around overt alpha types, other times it’s a subject matter issue, and it results in a silent withdrawal, sometimes mentally, sometimes physically from the conversation.

Not unlike strange speech patterns, I have no real idea if I genuinely do have strong verbal skills. I like to think I do, but I could just be full of it.

I have an inate ability to completely miss all but the most overt nonverbal cues from people. The ones I can read are usually the type you make towards other road users, but anything more subtle than that is either missed or completely misunderstood, which was fun when I became a stepdad to teenage girls!

At some point in my 20s someone said something to me about my not making eye contact. I can’t remember who, where or why, but it made me realise that this was not normal, so I trained myself to pick a spot between someone’s eyebrows and focus on that instead. Likewise I spent a long time trying to perfect a quick, firm handshake in order to fake it until I make it, but getting any closer than that, say for a hug, is still a massive issue for me.

Other Asperger's symptoms and me

Whilst I am not the most co-ordinated of people, I don’t think I am an outlier. I can be a bit ‘all thumbs’ when trying to fine tasks with my hands, but on balance I don’t think AS affects me particularly in this area.

In terms of hyperfocus, this seems impossible for me to attribute in any way to AS. When I do exhibit this it is far more aligned to my ADHD in my opinion.

SUMMARY

I personally think, now that I am taking medication for ADHD and have some control over my focus and motivation, that Asperger’s has a more profound impact on me on a day-to-day basis. I have always felt a little ‘different’, an outlier, an oddball, but being diagnosed with AS has brought clarity to those feelings and made me realise that much of what I have experienced has been from within, rather than from environment as I had previously always assumed.

Related Blogs:

ADHD, Asperger’s & Me

Asperger’s Syndrome diagnosis

Asperger’s Syndrome definition